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For a happy and long-lasting marriage, expensive gifts, romantic trips, and regular dates turned out to be less important than daily emotional support. Researchers at the University of Washington found that the habit of ignoring a spouse's feelings can gradually undermine even strong relationships.
This is reported in the scientific journal Proceedings of the Royal Society A.
The secret to a happy married life may be much simpler than is commonly believed. The researchers concluded that the crucial factor is not the number of romantic gestures, but how partners respond to each other’s emotions.
The strongest relationships form where the husband and wife do not ignore their partner’s feelings. It is especially important to support a close person in moments of stress, sadness, or family difficulties.
Researchers call this approach a validating style of relationships. Its main feature is that both partners acknowledge each other’s feelings and equally value their partner's emotional well-being.
In such couples, people do not try at all costs to avoid uncomfortable conversations. They are ready to discuss problems, listen to their partner, and together find ways to overcome difficulties.
To conduct the study, scientists used a mathematical model built on years of examining marital dynamics. It draws on the concept of renowned relationship researcher John Gottman, who identified three primary patterns of marital behavior.
The first type includes validating couples in which partners openly discuss their feelings and strive to understand each other. This model, the researchers associate with healthy and stable relationships.
The second type comprises impulsive, or emotionally explosive, couples. Such husbands and wives may often argue, react sharply to their partner’s behavior, and openly express dissatisfaction.
At the same time, they do not hide positive feelings either. Despite disagreements, the partners remain emotionally engaged in the relationship and do not avoid communication.
The third type is couples who try to avoid conflicts. Such pairs often stay silent about problems, do not raise uncomfortable topics, and hope misunderstandings will disappear on their own.
At first glance, this behavior may seem beneficial, as it helps avoid quarrels. However, researchers warn that unexpressed dissatisfaction and ignored feelings do not disappear anywhere.
Of particular concern is a situation in which one partner goes through a difficult period while the other does not respond to their emotional state. Such indifference has negative consequences for marital relations.
The authors of the study drew attention to the so-called emotional price of ignoring. It is this price that helps explain the difference between couples who support each other and those who prefer to avoid unpleasant conversations.
According to scientists, a strong marriage does not necessarily require a complete elimination of disagreements. Much more important is that husbands and wives do not ignore each other’s feelings, especially when one of them is upset or facing difficulties.
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