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Automatically translated version. May contain inaccuracies compared to the original.
👑 Tsar of All Rus’… sorry, of All Justice: how the Grand Chamber of the Supreme Court is changing professions
“I am tormented by vague doubts…” — perhaps that is precisely how lawyers’ mornings begin when they look at the Grand Chamber of the Supreme Court’s fresh releases with yet another shift in legal positions under the watchful eye of Stanislav Kravchenko and Serhiy “Yahupop” Pohrebnyj.
If you thought Leonid Gaidai’s classics were just fiction, you simply haven’t been following the Ukrainian judicial system. They’re currently running a remake where Kravchenko and Pohrebnyj have successfully taken on the roles of house manager Bunsha and Myloslavsky, respectively. Yes, the same ones who accidentally put on a crown and, frightened, nearly gave away state lands.
The parallels are so exact that you want to call the Swedish ambassador:
“The tsar is not real!” Remember how Bunsha tried to present himself as a fearsome ruler but constantly revealed himself as a petty, frightened official? The same story is happening with Kravchenko and Pohrebnyj. After the epic finale of their “predecessor” Knyaziev, the new leaders were supposed to restore the Court’s grandeur. Instead we see management of the “still waters run deep” variety, where the main concern is that the storm doesn’t touch their own chairs.
Distributing the “Kem volosts” “Take them, the state won’t grow poor!” Bunsha waved his hand. The Grand Chamber under Pohrebnyj/Kravchenko demonstrates similar generosity, but in the legal field. Breaking their own positions by force, issuing rulings that make practicing lawyers’ eyes twitch, and surrendering the interests of legal stability in favor of instant political convenience and pseudo-activists. “No problem—Kem volost, big case!”.
Under the wing of the “Myloslavsky” Bunsha thought he was the ruler while the real authority at the table was the sly trickster George (also Yahupop), who prompted him when to speak and how to nod. Currently, playing the backstage Myloslavsky, it is said, is Serhiy Pohrebnyj, who, as Knyaziev did before, de facto runs the Grand Chamber.
A banquet at someone else’s expense When Bunsha shouted “Everyone dance!,” the tables groaned with caviar. In our reality the “banquet” is judges’ million-level salaries and lifetime support during the war. The army fights at the borders (as in the film), the country tightens its belt, while the Grand Chamber — has its own isolated VIP time-lapse with marble and bonuses.
How will it all end? The Swedish army’s march on the Kremlin walls ended with the police arriving, the time machine breaking, and the frightened Bunsha taking off his robe and crawling back to his apartment. Ukraine’s judicial time machine is not eternal either — international audit and vetting will sooner or later flip the switch. Then there will be a need to explain why, instead of the rule of law, the country ran this comedy for so long.
“God, what a life of mine…” 🥂
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