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Automatically translated version. May contain inaccuracies compared to the original.
👑 Tsar of All Rus… sorry, of All Justice: how the Grand Chamber of the Supreme Court is changing profession
“Vague doubts torment me…” — that’s probably how lawyers start their morning when they look at fresh releases from the Grand Chamber of the Supreme Court with yet another change of legal positions under the watchful eye of Stanislav Kravchenko and Serhiy “Yagupop” Pohrebynyi.
If you thought the classics of Leonid Gaidai were just fantasy, you simply weren’t following the Ukrainian judicial system. They’re now running a remake where Kravchenko and Pohrebynyi have successfully taken on the roles of house manager Bunsha and Miloslavsky, respectively. You know, the same ones who accidentally put on a crown and, in a panic, almost gave away state lands.
The parallels are so precise that you want to call the Swedish ambassador:
“The tsar is not real!” Remember how Bunsha tried to act like a formidable ruler, but a petty, frightened official always peeped through? Kravchenko and Pohrebynyi have a similar story. After the epic finale of their “predecessor” Knyaziev, the new leaders were supposed to restore the Court’s grandeur. Instead we see management of the “quieter waters, lower grass” kind, where the main concern is that the storm doesn’t touch their own chairs.
Distributing the “Kema volosts” “Take them, the state won’t get poorer!” Bunsha waved his hand. The Grand Chamber under the leadership of Pohrebynyi/Kravchenko shows similar generosity, but in the legal field. Overruling their own positions, issuing decisions that make practicing lawyers’ eyes twitch, and sacrificing the interests of legal stability for momentary convenience and pseudo-activists. “It’s fine, fine, Kema volost, great case!”.
Under Miloslavsky’s wing Bunsha thought he was the ruler, while the real authority at the table was the cunning trickster George (also Yagupop), who would promptly whisper what to say and how to nod. Currently, in the role of backstage Miloslavsky, they say Serhiy Pohrebynyi acts, who, like Knyaziev before, de facto runs the Grand Chamber.
A banquet at someone else’s expense When Bunsha shouted “Everyone dance!”, the tables overflowed with caviar. In our reality the “banquet” is judges’ million-scale salaries and lifelong maintenance during the war. The army fights on the borders (as in the movie), the country tightens its belt, while the Grand Chamber has its isolated VIP time-lapse with marble and bonuses.
How will it all end? The Swedish army’s dash to the Kremlin walls ended with the arrival of the police, the time machine breaking down, and a frightened Bunsha shrugging off his robe and crawling back to his apartment. The Ukrainian judicial time machine isn’t eternal either — international audit and vetting will sooner or later flip the switch. And then they’ll have to explain why, instead of the rule of law, the country ran a comedy for so long.
“God, what a life mine is…” 🥂
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